I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
