Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
