I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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