Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
