remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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