Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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