Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i think i just lost a toe
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