Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
