you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
