no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
