Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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