it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
