So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
