His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize