Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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