I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
