9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
