Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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