the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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