Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize