Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
