I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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