You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
