all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
