if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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