I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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