Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
