it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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