I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize