I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
