We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
