You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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