you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize