fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
