so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
