the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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