he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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