I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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