Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
