he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
