It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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