a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
pray to the hookup gods
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize