If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm both gender and math confused
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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