dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
