The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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