I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
