she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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