I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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