After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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