Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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