4 words: hood of his car
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this will be a night to untag.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
