Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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