1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
