he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
