we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
