Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
