In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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