no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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