she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
