Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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