...so i touched it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
