Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
