Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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