Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize