Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
