Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
