two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
