Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
