garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
