My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize