Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
