we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
