So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
