Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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