So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
