my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
