Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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